Watch Your Step

There will probably never be a better time to discuss the issues that women deal with on a daily basis.  Now, at times I do feel that we are super lucky because we have the joy of pretty things: clothes, shoes, makeup and home decor items.  We do get more attention than men, but it can be unwanted attention at times. It’s not okay if we don’t reciprocate the feelings. It’s not okay when men follow us.  It’s not okay when men make comments about our bodies. It’s not okay for men to touch us, when we do not want them near us. It’s not okay for men to value us based on our appearance.  It’s not okay for men to take what does not belong to them.

The unfortunate fact is that women do not feel safe in our society.  Do you blame them? We need to be super observant of our surroundings AT ALL TIMES.  Women are being raped and murdered just by running outside. We are encouraged not to go out after it’s dark, not to take a “safe ride” home, not to leave drinks unattended, not to wear skirts that are too short, and not to be overly friendly with men.  

I will say that I have been super lucky in that I have never gotten myself into a super unsafe situation.  I mean, I have, but nothing too significant has ever happened to me, but I also believe that my experience is rare.  All I can say is that I believe I had some really good energy protecting me. The women that weren’t so lucky did not get themselves into their circumstances due to lack of intelligence, but for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And that is the heartbreaking truth. They may have trusted someone. Or it could have been a stranger. But it was NEVER the victim’s fault, even if the blame is put on them, that thinking is completely ignorant and outdated.

While eating my lunch today, it dawned on me that when I was a teenager I experienced a very odd situation that was never addressed, meaning I didn’t say anything to an adult and I let it go.  There was this boy in my class. He was not very well liked. He would say odd things to our classmates and he acted oddly, maybe due to the fact that it was difficult to get along with him. It wasn’t pleasant to be around him.  Anyways, one day while he was playfully joking around with me he stated that if he had it his way he would rape me and throw my body in the Mississippi River. Now, thinking about this afternoon, that was strange because I haven’t thought about it for years.  But that shows you how messed up some boys can be. In my defense, I was a small town girl thinking that nothing bad would ever happen to me, but looking back, that is super scary. I, of course, told all of my friends and boyfriend, who had a “nice” talk with him.  He never bothered me again. Some girls don’t get that lucky!

In the past few years, I have learned a great deal about trauma.  When discussing traumatic events with individuals, there has been a recurring theme.  That has always been that they do not want to discuss the event. They push the thoughts out of their mind, because that was what they were told to do.  That is what would help them the most, to completely ignore what happened and the feelings associated with the event. They don’t want to think about it, and they don’t want to relive it.  Then I have to share with them that research has actually shown that the opposite is the most helpful when dealing with what happened to them. That means that talking about it over, and over, and over again is the most helpful.  I am sure you can guess how well that went.

What can you do to keep yourself and your friends safe?

You could take a self-defense class.  And invite your friends too.

Only take Uber or Lyft when you have other individuals with you (this is what I do;  I only get into the car with other people with me). If you have to use these services, make sure you recognize your driver, that the driver says your full name, that the vehicle matches the description, and that you have your phone in your hands AT ALL TIMES.  If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t put yourself at risk!

Make sure your friends know where you are and when you will be arriving.  You could even text them information from the apps that you are using (Uber or Lyft).

There are certain apps that have been made to keep you safe too.  Find one that has some good reviews and use it! They know your location at all times.

Always be observant of your surroundings!

When in a parking lot, keep your keys in your hands.  You don’t want to be playing around in your purse when you are walking or when you get to your car because then you aren’t focused on who is near.  Grab your keys when you are still in a building! Then you have the keys that you can use as a weapon and you have access to your car alarm.

Carry pepper spray!  You can find pepper spray on Amazon and you can even find it in places like Dicks Sporting Goods, it even comes in pink.

Look I am sure you have heard many of these safety precautions and there are so many more, but the moral of the story is that you need to be aware of this stuff and you need to know what to do just in case you are put into an undesirable circumstance.  

We cannot control others, that is the unfortunate fact about life, but we can control ourselves.  We control our actions, thoughts and feelings. If you want things to change, you have to stand up and change things.  Maybe that is getting involved in a group that focuses on empowering women or maybe that isn’t your thing, which is fine, BUT something is YOUR THING, so find it!

I would love to hear your opinions on this topic, so feel free to share them down below in the comments.  And I always encourage sharing the posts. Thank you!