To The Boys I Once Loved

Thankfully there have only been four of you, and at the same time, I know that this may be three more than other people, who may have met their first love and locked that down.  Congrats to them! But for me the struggle has been real and yet, an awesome learning opportunity. I hope to one day look back on all of this and realize it was totally worth it.  To the four of you, know that I truly loved you and would have done anything to make things work. I honestly feel that I was a great girlfriend and I showed you often the extent of my feelings toward you.  But atlas, that was not enough to make the relationships last an eternity. And for that, I apologize.

All four relationships were so different in nature, yet I feel that you all were fairly similar in that I chose men with lower self-esteems that needed reassurance and praise.  Not quite sure why I did this, but I have a few theories. I have read quite a bit recently about attracting people into your life that you resemble. So clearly, this makes sense because I had a lower self-esteem and needed reassurance and praise.  I am glad to announce that I am full heartedly working on these issues right now, meaning I am not craving, demanding acceptance or reassurance by others, because I can give that to myself. I don’t need someone else telling me how great I am or boosting my own self-worth because I can do that.  I don’t need someone to tell me I am special because I already know. And if someone doesn’t know that I am special, then I don’t need them in my life. That works two ways, don’t get me wrong. You better believe that my person will know how special he is to me.

I learned so much from the four of you.  I learned what not to do and what to do next time.  I also learned that if a man doesn’t seem to care much or give me what I need, that there is a reason for that.  He just isn’t that into me, but you better believe there is someone out there that is.

I also learned just because I have a ring on my finger doesn’t mean I know the man like I thought.  That just turned into deception. And you learned very quickly that my trust and loyalty only went so far.  It turned into a story all about you. I cannot deny the selfishness that was observed during this time. Oh, how I thought I really knew you.  I just wish it was reality because then maybe I wouldn’t have felt so foolish when trusting you. As much as I could continue with that story, it is truly boring to me now and I hope you find what it is you so desperately want, even though you told me and others that I was everything to you and THE ONE you have been searching for ALL YOUR LIFE.  Thanks for unblocking me on Facebook, by the way!

So, I could be bitter, yet I choose not to be.  I choose to be happy! I choose to find joy daily.  I choose to be grateful! Because I know that life is working for me and not against me.  I know that my partner is out there and I am so excited to meet him! So, thank you! Thank you for helping me realize what I don’t want because now, I truly know what I deserve and what I need in my life.  I am so grateful for you!

Sincerely yours,

April