On The First Date

What are your thoughts regarding sex on the first date?

There seems to be two types of people. One group believes sex on the first day is fine and the other group, not so much.  I have to say that I am on the far side of the continuum, but I see the importance of discussing both sides.  It will be very clear which side I gravitate toward, so let’s begin.

If you were to guess, do most people have sex on the first date or do they wait?

If I were to guess, I would say that many individuals have sex on the first date.  Or possibly the second date. Most people want to feel loved. They want it so badly that they hop into bed with the first person that comes along.  There may or may not even be an attraction to the person. Some people just love the act of sex. Another reason may be that they haven’t had sex in a bit, so they want the closeness of a warm body.  This seems to come from the pressure of society to be with someone. It’s like it is absurd to be alone. The look you get sometimes when you tell people that you are single. It’s this judgmental, shameful, pitiful look.  Mostly because they have no clue. To me, it shows me a lot about these people, and it usually shows me that these people are not worth my time. They don’t care to understand, and I don’t have time to explain it. There is judgement, even when they don’t know my story.

There are probably many more reasons people have sex on the first date: experienced a bad breakup, boredom, addictive personality, low self-esteem, etc.  They may even really like the person, so they may want to make a really good impression. You know, like taking off their clothes! What impression do you think they are actually making?

Now, I could sit here pushing my agenda and information about what I know about dating and the rules that should be followed.  I will get there soon enough, but I really want you to think about the messages you are sending to the other person when you sleep with them on the first date.

Do you think they will call you afterwards?  

Maybe!  They may call for a repeat of the night, but I really don’t think the relationship will amount to much.  

If you haven’t noticed, I do not suggest sleeping with someone on the first date, second date, or third date, for that matter.  I am a firm believer that you make men (or women) wait. You need to know what their intentions are, and some people are all talk, but you will know quickly what they are all about if you give it time.  You only learn this information with time, and you won’t get all of that information the first night. That is when they are on their best behavior! Make them earn the privilege of being with you!

For women, men tend to focus on sex and they will take what they can get.  I have learned that men that get it easily, don’t really want it again (or if they do want it again, that is all they want from you).  They have the mindset that if it was easy for them, that it was easy for the last guy too. Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free? (Not a huge fan of that cliche, but I am going to use it anyway.  I’ll explain later!) Now, you may be thinking, “How does she know this?’” Or “Does she know from experience?” The answer is yes and no. I know because there have been many single women in my life and I have heard all about their experiences.  These men they were involved with were bad news! You know the guys I am talking about! We all know the type.

Have I had bad experiences with this type of guy too?  Yep! Need I say more?

No, but I will.  There are guys out there that really have an agenda and focus on making women feel guilty about not having sex with them, especially after a man bought a woman a drink.  Oh my goodness!

You bought me a drink, so that automatically means that you will be allowed in my pants.

What are the positives of sleeping with someone on the first date?

You get your needs met!  You may end up pregnant! You feel joy for a short bit. The encounter could lead into a significant relationship.  Another person is close to you and gives you attention. That is nice! I understand why someone would want those things.

If it were me, I would choose a more meaningful connection.

I don’t want this post to come off as judgemental.  That is not my intention at all. The intent is to empower you.  You are a prize! Make them aware. They need to earn the right to be with you.  You can’t give it all away and expect them to know that you are worth so much more.  

Make sure to share your thoughts down below.  

New posts will be available every Monday.  Make sure you check them out!